The use of language is a simple, but powerful tool that has the ability to bring people together, or tear them apart. In an immigrant family in particular, language is a crucial aspect of their identities and background. It’s what makes them a family; being of the same lineage and passing down their language, keeping it alive. It gives them a sense of connection, having the ability to understand each other deeper and share memories together, bringing different generations together. Or, it can separate families, as one may not be as fluent or speak other languages. Your cultural language can heavily impact the relationships and bonds that you have with your family, in both negative or positive ways. 

Language can be either a bridge or a barrier when it comes to immigrant families. It embodies cultural identity and shapes relationships. Authors such as Amy Tan explore these topics, such as in her text, Mother Tongue, where she shares her anecdotes and storytells how language has affected her dynamic with her mother, as well as in society and how those around her have treated her. Her mother is not a fluent English speaker, which caused Amy Tan to resort to using her own form of English, speaking it in a way so her mother would be able to understand. As she’s gotten used to speaking this “broken” English, she’s noticed she began speaking that way with her husband as well, becoming a new form of communication between them. Her husband is able to understand her, which is meaningful as it’s the version of English that she’s grown up with. The language that she’s grown up with at home has shaped who she has become today. 

The language that is spoken at home in an immigrant family can immensely impact the linguistic skills of children. For instance, as mentioned earlier, Amy Tan has gotten used to speaking the version of English that she’s spoken with her mother at home from a young age, which has significantly influenced her English speaking abilities. It began to impact her academically, as “it has affected [her] results on achievement tests, IQ tests, and the SAT. While [her] english skills were never judged as poor, compared to math, english could not be considered [her] strong suit” (Tan, 3). Speaking “broken” English with her mother at home affected her proficiency and fluency, which resulted in her not doing well in school, especially on tests. As a result, Amy Tan began to resent her mother for her English skills, and even expressed how she felt ashamed of her mother. She felt that it had created limitations within her life, as well as limiting how she viewed her mother. She believed that “her English reflected the quality of what she had to say. That is, because she expressed them imperfectly her thoughts were imperfect” (Tan, 3). Meaning, she thought her mother’s opinions and feelings were not valid and valued because wasn’t able to properly express them. This illustrates how language can deeply affect the relationships you have with your family. In this case, it had created a negative bond between Amy and her mother, highlighting the importance of language in shaping familial bonds.

The Bengali diaspora in east London has experienced challenges trying to preserve their mother tongue while raising children in a foreign country. Aminul Hoque, a Bangladeshi writer, wrote an article examining and interviewing a group of young Bangladeshis, aged from fifteen to nineteen, living in London. He found that most of these teenagers have little to no understanding of Bengali speaking skills, which has affected their sense of cultural identity and ability to communicate with family members.

Language is crucial for family members to communicate and get along with each other, especially between different generations. For the teenagers living in London, it was an issue for them to communicate with their grandparents. Mariya, aged 15, said in an interview “it is sad that I cannot communicate with my dada (grandfather) properly. We both speak different languages. But we get by and mainly use my parents as interpreters” (Hoque, 6). Since she isn’t fluent in Bengali, she has to communicate with her Grandpa through her parents, making it difficult for them to have a strong connection. Older generations in foreign countries may not be as fluent or know to speak the language that their grandchildren are growing up with, which is becoming an issue for the future as well. Azad, aged 18 says “I know my children will speak mainly English in the future. Therefore my parents will need to learn English in order to communicate with them” (Hoque, 6). The language barrier is beginning to have effects between bonds between future generations as well, causing family members of different ages to become more distant. It is important for these children to learn and practice their language, as it can allow them to be closer with their grandparents and for their future children to bond with them as well. 

Modern Family, a popular sitcom about the experiences and different adventures of a family, who become closer as a result. One of the family members, Gloria, is an immigrant from Colombia who is living with a white family. She carries her roots proudly and emphasizes the importance of culture, especially through her language. She aims to teach her children Spanish, so they are connected to their identity and culture. 

Teaching your children your cultural language is essential to creating a stronger bond. When Gloria attempts to teach her son, Manny, to speak Spanish, he wasn’t interested. She then vents about the struggles of not being able to be properly understood by anyone in her family, as she says to them “for once it would be nice to speak to someone in my own language in my own home” (Episode 7, Season 6). Since she is not fluent in English, she is often unable to find the right words to express her thoughts explicitly, which makes it harder for her to communicate. By trying to teach Manny to speak Spanish, she would be able to express herself clearly and also be understood by her family, the way she wants to be understood. Not being understood by your family because of language barriers can heavily impact your relationships, as Gloria feels disconnected to her own family. If Manny had learned Spanish, him and his mother would have a closer relationship and a stronger sense of connection. 

Many of these issues of language barriers come from families of immigrants. All immigrant parents seem to face the same struggle: not being understood or being able to understand their children, due to their inability to speak English. This is seen with Amy Tan and her mother, as well as with Gloria and Manny from Modern Family. Both mothers are faced with not being able to express themselves fluently, causing their children to invalidate their thoughts and feelings. This is seen when Amy Tan herself says she didn’t take her mother seriously, since “people in department stores, at banks, and at restaurants did not take her seriously, did not give her good service, pretended not to understand her, or even acted as if they did not hear her” (Tan, 3). She believed that since other people didn’t respect her mother due to her inability to speak English, she shouldn’t have to respect her either. Similarly, when Gloria rants about not having anyone in her family understand her, Manny comments by saying “whatever the Spanish word is for women…am I right” (Episode 7, Season 6). This shows that he did not take his mothers feelings seriously as well. Due to these issues of immigrant parents not being understood or validated by their children, it creates breaches in their relationships. This is a struggle that many families experience. 

All in all, language is extremely important, especially in families. This skill can either make or break your bonds, how you view certain family members, and your understanding of their thoughts and feelings. Through the many different families of different cultures, from Amy Tan’s Asian background, to the Bengalis in east London, and Gloria’s Colombian roots colliding with her white family, language is what brings them together or apart.